Sunday, 10 November 2013

Love like a tidal wave

Why is it that at this time of night I really feel like I want to write? The last two nights I've been pretty late to sleep because of stuff [will expand later but not really] so I really should be sensible and proactive and have a reasonable amount of sleep tonight but sleep is for the weak [joke it's actually really important]. 

Ever since I was younger I've always kept some sort of journal [I stopped using 'Dear Diary' quite a few years ago phew]. For some forgotten reason, on New Year's Eve last year I decided I would set my self a challenge to write something every single day of 2013, which I'm glad I did because coincidentally [or not] that was during a really difficult time so it's cool and scary and amazing to look back and see how my life and myself have completely changed since then. When I read through that first notebook I'm reminded of not only the massive things that happened, which I never really forgot about, but the small details as well, like what song I was really into on a certain day or what I bought in a certain shop on a certain shopping trip six months ago. But a while ago it got to the point where I got too strict with myself [I remember how annoyed I was when I forgot to write one day for the first time] so now I don't force myself to document my life every single day but just regularly and when I feel like it. Sometimes I just tape in a receipt and a sweet wrapper, sometimes I write pages but it doesn't matter because whatever it is I will have something to look back on in the future.I think that that is important.

I don't know why I felt the need to do this post right now. I just really like to document things and I'm very sentimental so I like to get things out of my head where they can be forgotten and onto paper [in this case a screen]. I don't want my blog to just be a collection of mostly badly taken photographs with a little comment about whatever I'm gushing over at that point but I want it to mean something. So that even if it never moves on to anything bigger than something for me to look back on, then at least I'll know it meant something to me back then on that day. Maybe I have the feeling of furiously trying to remember 'now' because I've recently had some good news in my family [the reason I've been going to bed late by the way] and I don't want to forget how happy and exciting everything feels at this moment. It occurred to me earlier that one day, everything that feels new and different now will be the normal and that's both a comforting and scary thing. 

I always feel so much more thoughtful and philosophical late at night so I think this post is just a product of that. Due to my lack of my own laptop and my owning of a notebook and pen nearby [and lack of making sense??], all this sort of thing never makes it onto my blog, so when I look at at it it feels sort of fake I guess. Or at least not a true representation of me, so I think this post is also to show that I have a mind and I do actually use it sometimes and I don't just take pictures of kittens and pretend to be Lydia Deetz. Ooh or maybe it's because I recently read The Perks Of Being A Wallflower and admired the way Charlie wrote about the events in his life in such detail [yes know it's just a story and the author had to use great detai or it would be a rubbish book].

Now I'm going to go and read a bit then attempt to go to sleep. But I'm probably wide awake now from staring at the computer screen so I would say wish me luck but it'll be too late by the time you read this. 

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